A Pause Before The Decline

'Don't Believe In Me (When I Can't Even Believe In Myself)'

2010-06-28T02:36:00.000-07:00

Without the existence of photographs
Could you even prove I was here?
Lost in memories and paragraphs
And a kiss doesn't last
And you can't hold what was never there
I'm starting to think that I was never meant to find
This path so sheltered by the dark
A hand so cold that I could no longer feel mine
Is it death or something more divine?
Buried alive as I am still breathing
A shot of something to stop this heaving
No, not life as it feels like concrete in my veins
Soured by the shame
A thousand heartbeats silenced
Many left unnamed
Maybe I'll find my way back someday
As the stars find their way back when the day ends
Not all scars will mend
Ripping myself to shreds just to feel something
Maybe a glimpse of the sun as the sky changes from blue to gray
I want to vanish in the night
Maybe it's better that way.

© Justin Woodall, June 2010

'To Find Sincerity In A Smile'

2010-06-26T20:21:00.000-07:00

Every time I turn around, it's my face against the ground
Lungs full of soot, aching from the screaming
Calling out to anyone who'll listen
Waiting for the day, when I'm finally swept away
Either up into the sky, free as a bird
Or under the rug where maybe I'll fall asleep
I want so badly to be numb...but I can't help but feel
Even if pain is the only thing awaiting me
The only thing that I find to be real.

© Justin Woodall, June 2010

'Impromptu Breakfast In Space'

2010-06-08T17:16:00.000-07:00

Stars soar through my veins
Like intergalactic ecstasy
Lunar love keeping me sane while the Earth drifts far away from me
And within the glory of our cosmic collision
The planets align as we drift further into darkness
Heavenly bliss and wonder grabs hold of us during the intermission
As we watch life and death fuse into one
And in the twilight we find where we belong
The warmth of a kiss showers us with intuition
That our universe emerges underneath the vision of a sacred sun...our protector
We are bathed within the unborn light
Dancing on the constellation where Heaven and Earth meet
And they mingle playfully as we drink in tomorrow
And slowly sweat out yesterday.

© Justin Woodall, June 2010

2010-05-17T10:53:00.000-07:00

Music saves my sanity. It captures my soul and embraces my heart. When I am lonely it holds me in the night. I am forever indebted to the lyrics and melodies that accompany
my life. And when I embark on my endless dream I'm sure you will faintly hear me singing you to sleep.

'Making A Wish On An Exploding Star'

2010-05-13T23:06:00.000-07:00

Nobody likes damaged goods
So grab the duct tape, baby
And let's hit the lights and try and forget
Not every wound is meant to heal, so we just learn to deal
With taking things as they come
I try to take every step without a stumble
But sometimes gravity gets the best of me
I'll continue moving forward, like sun beams toward the Earth
I'll establish the spark and watch your eyes ignite
So I can bathe in the light and find my way back home
A trail of flames makes its way across this room tonight
And I feel the electricity surge from your fingertips
You make me feel like a human lighting rod
Plug me in and we can fight the morning together
Don't let the sun in on our plans
A solar explosing nipping at our heels
We take in, live with, lose, then forget memories that once made us smile
But today we can choose to be reborn
Life means more than just surviving
I'm trying to leave my mark on you...on everything I see
Hope floats on a sea of dreams
And everything is gold until you turn your back on it
We'll walk against the wind and you can teach me to dance
Fall away into the deep and when we awake dawn will kiss our eyes
Nobody has to know about our imperfections as we discard them slowly
Until Only you can see remnants of my failures.

© Justin Woodall, May 2010

'(Survivors) The Ones That Refuse To Die'

2010-04-22T01:41:00.002-07:00

Sometimes I feel like somebody stopped the world
Froze the sins of yesterday
To my tongue and out my ears
And I believe there was a train to get us out of here
But someone failed to tell us all
Now I'm stuck between the concrete and the sand
And I can't believe my eyes anymore
I can only rely on my feet
To keep me moving toward tomorrow
And I still can't decide what's best for me
Should I stand and fight...
Or run away quickly like the years gone by?
The shadows make it hard to see your face
Can I remove the hair from you mouth?
So I can taste the sweetness of yesterday
Before everything went to Hell again
Before the missteps swallowed us whole
While your watching her lips, boy...
Her hands are writing the words to kill off your heart
And leave your soul gasping for hope
Take away all of the underlines and prepare to fall
Into the arms of sorrow
Solitude reborn
When will I ever be here again?
I must take every chance I can
Empty all this fear out of my veins
Don't speak unless you mean it
Because your words are like lightning against my skin
Keeping the hair on my arms standing
Like waves about to crash into shore
To take us all under
And maybe for good this time
Take a breath and follow-through
We're all too young to die
A world too optimistic
Our mother
We lie within her eyes
Watching over us until our train passes by once more
Riding into the sunset of our days
Smiling all the way
Back to a day when your arms were the only destination I cared to see
And your lips were my only way home.

© Justin Woodall, April 2010

'A Fire Inside'

2010-04-22T01:39:00.001-07:00

Is it showing?
I try to hold it all inside
I feel the fire growing
The inferno shows through my eyes

Scorching my heart from the inside out
Nowhere to hide when the blaze comes from within
The beginning of a defining bout
We'll all take a breathe as the countdown begins

I'll brace myself as the sparks take hold
As the old turns to dust
Cauterize these gaping wounds closed
The sky showers ashes upon us

As smoke fills our lungs and blocks out the sun
Flesh falls to the ground
Can't you feel it all coming undone?
Your ears will bleed from the sound

The flames will consume us all
As a thousand cries erupt in the night
The pyre will grow as the buildings fall
Through the sea of flames I can see the deliverance of twilight

A new world forms
A new face shines through
Within the whirling walls of this firestorm
Reborn in the embers and feeling brand new

The ashes of yesterday will blow away
The pain of the past will fade
But we will never forget the day
That our souls were bathed in the heatwave.

© Justin Woodall, March 2010

'Disconnected'

2010-04-22T01:38:00.002-07:00

All these questions fill my head
Until it aches too much to sleep
Like "Do you look at him the way you use to look at me?"
And all I can do is try and coax myself into nocturnal bliss
With the hope that maybe I'll see you there
Waiting in my dreams
You said you'd always be there for me
Now you're gone
And I have so much left to say
But no way to get the words to you
I lie here disconnected from the world
With you inhabiting every free space in my mind
And the thought of you will never fade
And I'd rather die alone than love another
Memories play in my head like old, home movies
And this is my favorite part
You see that girl walking toward me?
She's all mine
Then the reel runs down
And I sit alone in the dark
Counting the hours until dawn.

© Justin Woodall, March 2010

'Accension'

2010-04-22T01:38:00.001-07:00

Waking up against a wall
Now I'm trying to decide
What's next for me?
Do I stand or do I fall?
Which direction takes me toward the horizon...
And which turns me into someone I don't wanna be?
Drowning in the flames
With a paper heart
I'm choking on the smoke as it surrounds me
And I hear time ticking away beside my bed
There's no time left to hide
No burying it all in the sheets
It's now or never
And I'm bracing for the ride.

© Justin Woodall, March 2010

'Concrete Shoes'

2010-04-22T01:37:00.001-07:00

Memories like concrete shoes
Hold me in place
Captive as all this hurt burns my flesh from the bone
I am hostage
I can't do anything but wait
Wait for your return
And I wait
Knowing that I don't deserve a second chance
A second glance
I just need you to know that I'm still in love with you
And every second I'm without you I'm a mess
And you inhabit every corner of my mind
Possessing me like always before
You made up everything I am
So in your wake I am nothing
I merely exist until you come back to me
Everything I want to be is far away
And I should have told you just how much I needed you
Maybe you'd still be here today
I guess we always expect there to be more time
I always thought I had more time
To say all the things I needed to say
I never thought you'd take your heart away
Now with every breath I plead
To love you in all the ways I need to love you
To say all the things I never got a chance to say
You're more than a memory
You're everything to me
Sometimes a man has to lose it to know what he can't live without
And I'm holding on to you
Because I can't let go
I'm a slave to this love
Until I close my eyes forever
And yours will be the last name I speak of before I sleep
And your face will be the only one I see once I'm gone.

© Justin Woodall, February 2010

'Falling Apart'

2010-04-22T01:33:00.001-07:00

Here I go again
With nothing new to say
But with so much left to be said
I'm still awake to the same fears
Still holding onto the same tears
Slowly falling apart
I wake to black once again
A sight so familiar by now
The sound of your breathing echoes through my head
I reach out into the darkness
Expecting to feel you next to me
But all I find is cold air
And memories slip through my fingers like freezing, Winter rain
I try desperately to hold on to what's left of my sanity
I feel the anchor of pain settle into my stomach
A sensation ever growing
Walls of solitude closing in
Readily able to bury me alive
It's the shame of losing you
And the fear of never holding you again
Thoughts that never leave my head
My new obsession
And with each day that passes
All these feelings continue to grow
Gathering power
Taking me over again and again
And questions fill my head
All of these things left unsaid
As I sink ever further into the fear
The emptiness that I now call home
Without you here to guide me back to the light
I just may be lost in the dark forever
My body convulses and screams until I finally fall asleep
Momentarily relief
But the world continues to turn
And I'll awake to the same fears
And I'll still be holding onto the same tears
Waking to find myself reaching out into the darkness again
Finding nothing but emptiness
Waking to find but one more day just to survive.

© Justin Woodall, February 2010

'Remains'

2010-04-22T01:26:00.001-07:00

Sleep evades the broken ones
The image of your eyes keep me awake again
The tears streaming down as I try to explain
The answers I'll keep tucked away for now
Maybe one day you'll ask the right questions
And maybe this time I can make it come out the way
it's meant to

The lines of communication have been severed
Leaving me dead in the air
Now I'm frozen in flight with no ground pattern
I guess I can't escape the crash now
My destiny lies in flames
My heart is all that remains

Give me the time to explain
To collect all the promises I once made
Burn them down and rearrange the ashes
So that we may start again

No one ever said that it would be this hard
But no one ever said that it couldn't be this easy
To fall in love again
To feel the comfort we once found in each other
In moments when I finally felt like I existed.

© Justin Woodall, February 2010

'Sleeping With Shadows'

2010-04-22T01:25:00.000-07:00

Long nights slowly drain me
Tearing my soul apart
I'm trying my best to keep the memories alive
I sit alone and hope that tomorrow will be better
But I feel you drifting further from me
And this sinking feeling continues to grow
I'm drowning in black and white
In the shame of what's been done
While the frames of our past play back in color
Can you find me before it's too late...
Before I'm suffocated by the what-ifs?
Before I sink too deeply to be saved?
I'm stuck in the days gone by
Searching for the right words to say
To repair! To declare! To redeem!
Praying for the chance to try again
To rewrite all the parts that I got wrong
To make you see that I never gave up on you
My mind runs circles around itself
Until I'm aching for a change
Breathless from the pain
Of one more day without you
I'll never rid this pain
The pain of losing you
Unless you return to me
But I'll never forget this feeling
So I never have to feel it again.

© Justin Woodall, February 2010

'Live Again'

2010-04-22T01:17:00.000-07:00

One million words left unsaid
Bury me with the regret
You misread the lyrics I wrote you that day
You were always the one I dreamt of
Please, don't tell me it's too late
To salvage all the beauty that we've made
Just place your hand in mine once more
And we can resurrect our love

One million words that must be said
I don't want to be buried with this regret
You misread the lyrics I wrote you that day
You were always the one
Please, don't say it's too late
Let's salvage all the beauty we've made
Just place your hand in mine
I promise you that we can do this!

We can live again.

© Justin Woodall, February 2010